The intricacies of Marriage

Recently on Ebuka Obi-Uchendu’s profile (the Big Brother participant), I read his article celebrating his parents' 40th anniversary on the 25th of January 2009 and it got me thinking. In the article he mentioned his fears about getting married and sticking to it for a whole forty years, he admitted that his parent’s marriage hasn’t been all blissful and smooth but there they are clocking forty years. Now isn’t that a story worth sharing? But guess what! His parents actually dated before they got married. Isn’t that strange considering the fact that most of our parents did not court let alone date.

Enough about Ebuka already but frankly, forty years is definitely not a walk in the park. What am I getting at? I’m not here to argue for or against dating, all I’m trying to say is that marriage is serious business, the “for richer or poorer” vow is serious business and we have to understand it before we take that plunge. Now we are in a society that is not divorce friendly and the Catholic Church as we know is against divorce except on the grounds of adultery in which case the couple will be invited for counseling and forgiveness will be preached and even if granted, will take years.

Marriage counselors have told us to get married to our friend, confidant (e), someone we can always turn to in times of trouble and challenges but nowadays is that the case? In some cases our parents force us into getting married to someone that we hardly know, sometimes we get into marriage for the wrong reasons like “all my mates are married”, “I want to have a baby”, “I’m getting old”, “he’s rich”, “we are from the same tribe” and a whole lot of other reasons. When the euphoria of young love and excitement dies what happens next? Now do you think that a marriage built on any of these reasons will last? Will that marriage last for twenty years let alone forty? Even if it does last will it be out of endurance, because of the stigma of being a single parent especially in the case of our women?

Adam and Eve lived together in the Garden of Eden before they had Cain and Abel, Abraham and Sarah were married for a very long time before they had Isaac in their old age. Why am I referring to this? A man and woman are supposed to love each other first, live in unity and produce children as the gift and blessing that is as a result of their love and devotion to each other. Your spouse is not supposed to make you feel unloved and worthless rather your spouse is supposed to make you feel like the best thing that’s happened to him /her. Both of you are supposed to be there for each other in weakness and strength, sickness and health, in poverty and plenty. You are supposed to complement each other and it is a whole lot to do for a human being and the only thing that can make you humble yourself to that level is love. In my opinion, love begets sacrifice and I’m sure you’ll agree with me.
Nothing in life is certain. Some mothers have often wondered what it would have been like for them if they did not have male children, some have often wondered what it would have been like if they did not have kids at all. Some men have also wondered if their wives would have stayed if they did not have that mega paying job, if they could not provide the basic necessities or luxury for their wives. Tough isn’t it?

Again, nothing in life is certain and if you are going to get married, you need to bear that in mind. Your spouse may not be all that you made him/her to be, so when the rough tides come and they always will, you have to remember why you decided to get married to that particular person in the first place and with God, you will scale through but if you did get married for the wrong reasons it will be disastrous because you will not be willing to make certain sacrifices that could otherwise salvage the marriage.
If a marriage is not built with God, it will go nowhere and that is the honest truth. There are times that no matter how close you are to your spouse, you will feel alone, there will be betrayal, there will be disappointments and there will be moments when you’ll question your decision to spend the rest of your life with this person especially if as a woman, you had many other suitors, and who could you possibly turn to if not He that made you. If you have God and work towards it, He will definitely see you through. A successful marriage takes commitment, hard work and the Grace of God.

Young people out there, many of us want to get married but before you do “shine your eyes”. Like I mentioned earlier, marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment, Please get married for the right reasons and not because you want to please anybody after all, as the saying goes “he who wears the shoe knows where it hurts”. A word is enough for the wise