Have you been Screened? Ladies!!!

Well, as most of us know, the month of October is dedicated to cancer awareness world over and all of a sudden all my inboxes have “cancerous” topics if you know what I mean. And it gets me scared because at the end of some of them you see end notes like “one out of 26 women dies of cancer in a minute” and I’m like “what the hell?” In a third world country like ours you do know what that means right?

Among women the most common are breast and cervical cancer. Any woman from 18 years is at the risk of having cancer and as we all know there is no particular known cause for it but there are preventive measures but I will get to that later.

Well, my church, St. Dominic’s Catholic Church, as part of her way of creating awareness partnered with a group to screen women from the age of 18. While it was very unorganized it was an eye opener for those of us who have a comfort zone of “God forbid! Cancer is not my portion”. It may not be your potion but women die every day from this disease and it is eating deeply into our country as the figures keep going up every day.

The screening started at 8:00am and while I spent the whole day there waiting for my turn cos the turnout was massive, I did learn a few things on how to keep it at bay.

What I learned
•    Female smokers are twice likely to have cervical cancer than non-smokers
•    Feel your breasts  one week after your menstrual cycle monthly
•    Wear cotton panties
•    Maintain good personal hygiene
•    Do not wash your privates with medicated soap…avoid it, stick to normal soap or plain clean water
•    Do not douche
•    Do not insert stuff into urself
•    Go for a cervical screening once in a year
•    Do not wear ur bra to sleep

How to feel your breasts

•    Put your right hand under your head, then with the finger tips of your left hand, beginning from your underarm (armpit)  you feel for any strange hard lump and then proceed to your right breast and feel it in a circular motion…sideways, underneath and on top (@ least that’s what was done to me) and then you do the same to your left breast by feeling it with your right hand.
•    After feeling your breasts, you press your nipple and check for any discharge especially blood cos as the attendant mentioned, most women with breast cancer have said that they see or saw a bloody discharge.
•    As for the cervical screening, the doctors or nurses have to do it themselves as it is quite technical…there’s poking and feeling around the vagina besides, they know what to look out for.

My Experience

After waiting for hours (from 8am – to like 5pm), I tried to use my “church mind” because I mean I was in the Church so I figured I would just wait my turn (I could have entered if I wanted to since I’m quite known in the church…if I may say so myself) btu it got to a point and the shunting was just unbearable and I knew I could not return next two weeks especially after waiting for so long neither could I go to their office as my leave is so over so I played smart even though it was quite late. But as the saying goes “better late than never” right? So I played smart and got in.

Upon getting in the attendant screamed “next person” and while I was mortified that I had to take off my top in front of so many people, even if they are all women, I just had to cos really, nerves were frayed and it had been one long day. After taking off my top, it was all I could do not to cover my hands with my boobs…yes I’m self conscious even among women. So she tells me to do what I already explained in how to feel your boobs (pardon me but boobs is shorter than breasts and it’s 2am and there’s church). I felt odd I mean, here I was half naked and a chick feeling my boobs, it just felt odd but what the hell, better now than when I have cancer right…I mean I could losse my boob (singular…smiles). I ask “what will the lump feel like?” she says if she feels one she’ll let me know and I respond “God forbid!” but she says it is hard and you’ll know when you feel it. So I get done with that and join the queue for the really grueling one in my opinion.

When it got to my turn, I was asked to pull off my pants…no guys, they were all chicks and while it slightly made me feel better, I  was still mortified but I remind myself that I am here to prevent cancer in my life. So I took off my pants and panties. Before you do a cervical test the following should be adhered to:
•    You cannot do a cervical screening if you are on your period
•    You cannot do it if you are pregnant
•    You cannot do it if you had intercourse within 48 hours of going for the test

So on all counts, I passed then you had to give them your sex history – how many partners u’ve had, any venereal diseases suffered and some other personal stuff and Emmanuel Ogbebor tried peeking at my form.

I don’t think I want to get into the details of how it went but just know that you’ll be poked….d lady that did me was gentle and by the time she was done I asked “is that all?” I did feel violated but when you remember that cancer is very dangerous and incurable for now at least, you will do all you can to prevent it even if it means stripping in front of thousands of men. okay! Maybe I’m exaggerating  a bit but it’s so true.

I was given a clean bill of health – no infection or whatever

So make out time to get screened as the only way to beat CANCER is EARLY DETECTION. Inspiration or is it Cool FM is always reminding us.
And don’t forget to drink lots of water, eat fruits, stay away from radiation as much as possible and just be safe.
I have to go now…my eyes are heavy and the yawns wont just stop.

for want of a better title

What have I learnt so far in my life’s journey?

• ·         Love cannot be forced

• ·         I cant live my life for anyone but 4 meself

• ·         Friends will always let me down and I’ll always let others down (we’re all human)

• ·         I’ve learnt to be courageous in anything I choose to do

• ·         No matter how poorly I see myself, God loves me the way I am

• ·       Life is hard

   L

• ·         I wont always be young

• ·         We all make mistakes

• ·         No matter how rich or poor, how beautiful or ugly or talented, we’ll all die someday

• ·         Like India Arie says there’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile, u don’t have to pay to laugh, u better thank God for that

• ·         When it’s time to laugh, laugh hard; when it’s time to love, give it your all;  when it’s time to cry, do it without shame; and when it’s time to die…just die (can’t think of any appropriate words)

• ·         Family and friends and recently facebook – we cannot live without

• ·         The best things for us are usually the hardest to do

• ·         Every day is a constant school because we learn and gather experience daily

• ·         Forgiveness is a very important tool in growing up

• ·         Not everyone that calls himself your friend can or should be trusted

• ·         Some things can never be changed

• ·         Time waits for no man but is also the best healer

• ·         With every new birth comes the reminder that God is not finished with this planet

• ·         With every death comes the reminder that from dust we came and to dust we will return

• ·         Being good to people always pays

• ·         Life is lived just once…be adventurous and while you work hard, play hard and always find a balance. U don’t want to be a dull boy neither do u want to be unserious.

• ·         If it aint necessary, forget that loan.

• ·         Take time to celebrate you

• ·         Read that book, see that movie, take that vacation…just ease the stress ok?

Remember that nothing good comes easy

The other woman "gone bad"

Is there an excuse for dating a married man? What if i really love him? what if he loves me? what if i don't care that he has a wife? Does it not justify my dating him? These are questions we ask ourselves as young women when there is a married man in the picture. Here is someone's story.

And she said NO

PAST

Once upon a time in the land of far far away, Chantelle (sounds like a fairytale already huh? Well, it’s not) went to visit a friend of hers in a certain barracks. As Mohammed was seeing her off, a Peugeot 206 drove past and he said “that guy was staring at you” but she did not notice and said as much. So she took a bike to the gate where she would board a bus back into town and there he was at the gate with his friend in the car. He left his friend and got out of the car and the first thought that came to her mind was “he is one cute guy”. He offered to give her a lift but she declined saying “my mum says I should not accept lift from strangers” and he smiled and she thought to herself “he has a nice smile and is very confident”. So they exchanged numbers and parted ways but he insisted on helping her with some transport fare and a poor “corper” like her could not say no.

His name turned out to be Samuel. Now Samuel is the kind of guy that every girl dreams of. He is romantic with a big ‘R’, considerate, not stingy, knows how to treat a woman… in fact,  just a girl man and Chantelle being who she is attributed this to the fact that his zodiac sign is Virgo. True or not, Samuel was just one hell of a guy. The only snag was that he was not from Anambra and Chantelle being the first of three girls in her family knew that her folks would prove difficult but Samuel so far had topped the charts on her list and she really couldn’t care less but as a good girl she was brought up to be, she told him her fears. Samuel who happened to be in the army was a very busy guy but he took the time to call her and pay her visits and all her housemates knew about him and often teased her about him and she was in ‘girl heaven’.

One day, Chantelle was moving house as she had been squatting all this while and Samuel offered to take her belongings in his car to her place. They both got there and seeing that her house was in a shambles, he asked her to come spend the night. Chantelle’s response by default was a big no but he tried to convince her and she figured that since he’d been nothing but nice, she might as well acquiesce but she made him promise not to do anything funny and he promised. So she followed him home which happened to be in the military barracks. They went out, met some of his friends, ate, drank and had plain silly fun and she thought “this could just be him”. They both went to bed afterwards after she’d made him promise again not to do anything funny and he just laughed and promised not to. In the dead of the night, he kissed her and although she did not respond, she enjoyed every bit of it and he kissed every part of her body (he was her first experience)and like he promised, he did not take advantage of her and demanded nothing in return – not that she would have returned it anyways but she enjoyed it and he held her through the rest of the night and while she slept, she had no care in the world and she wished she could be in his arms for all eternity – that is here on earth. She was well on the road to falling in love.

They saw each other in Lagos a couple of times and Chantelle was quite smitten but her fears were her folks and while she was strategizing on how to convince her folks that she had met “him”, Samuel just went off her radar. She called him a couple of times but he was always busy in one part of the country or the other and just couldn’t keep in touch, she kept at this for a while but saw that Samuel had moved on. She was hurt and there were times she cried but she believed in the “if you love him, set him free” phrase and she did just that and when she never heard from him, she figured he wasn’t the man for her.

Years later, she got a job in a bank… that’s where they all end up right? So she called him up to open an account with her and he said he already had one and they exchanged pleasantries. A year later, she called him and since it had been a while, she tried to catch up with what was going on in his life and she asked “are you married yet?” he answers “didn’t you get my sms?” “No I did not or have you deleted my number from your phone”? she asked. He told her that he was getting married in a matter of weeks. Her world came to a pause at his words for she always had this hope that he would come around and come back to her but she shook it off and being miss prim and proper, she congratulated him and  affirmed she will attend the wedding when he invited her…it was the least she could do. He asked her to pay him a visit and at the sign of hesitancy in her response, he promised that it would be a platonic visit between friends and let’s face it, she just did not have the will power to refuse him, besides with the past they shared, it was the least she could do. So she went to see him, he was still handsome as usual even though he seemed distant, and he blamed her for his not marrying her and said it is because she said her folks will pose a threat but she replied “it was obvious that I was crazy about you and yes my parents would have been a threat but I was on my way to loving you”. They talked about old times and when she was about to leave, she kissed him because she never had the chance to kiss him and she damn well knew that a part of her loved this guy. And as she kissed him Kenny G’s “One more time” kept playing in her head and she told herself that he was getting married soon and thought it wise to leave before things got out of hand.

                                      PART II

So leave she did and on her way home, while driving though the night, the tears couldn’t stop pouring and the song in her head was Lemar’s “What If” and she really could not stop asking herself “what if?” she wished she had gone all the way with him that one night she had with him in the past but would it have changed anything? She wondered. On the wedding day, Chantelle got dressed and went in the company of her friend for moral support because frankly, she did not know how she could go through it without losing it. It was bad enough that she was still single at 27, and then some guy that she really thought would be the one ups and gets married. She lived through the wedding but was jealous and wondered why life is such a bitch but she went over, congratulated the couple and sat through the wedding making small conversation with her friend and all the while asking in herself “why am I not the one beside him?”

PRESENT

While trying to move on with her life, one day at work, her phone rings and on the call id is Samuel. Her stomch flutters as it usually does when she hears his voice (she wondered why she still felt this way about him especially since she attended his wedding) and they make small talk, she asks after his wife and he says she is fine. They talk about the situation in the country and then he would refer to their good old time in far away land and she would purposely change the topic just not to encourage him. His calls become more regular and against her friends’ advice, she keeps taking his calls after all she still likes him, besides,  he is married so he should know better right? After a while she got used to his calls that if she did not hear from him in a day, it would be incomplete. It got so bad that he did not call her for a day and she almost went crazy. He did eventually call on the next day day after she had sent him an sms. He apologized and said he had been really busy. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this with a married man but she really could not help it. She went for confession and told the priest about the feelings she still had for him. The Priest advised her against it, her friends also advised her against it even though some told her to go for it. She discovered that most of her friends were also struggling with one married man or another and she wondered if it was the new brand in town. She told Samuel that they couldn’t continue talking on the phone everyday and when he did give her the space she demanded, she would call him. And she wondered why he did not do all these once upon a time.

Being a very impulsive woman by nature and being one to give in to her feelings, she admitted to her friends that the only thing keeping her from him was distance. Some of her friends laughed when she said this, others thought she was too much of a religious nut to give in especially since she is this straight laced catholic who most of the time adhered to the Biblical and Church ways of living. But she like everyone else is human.

She wondered why it was difficult for her to let Samuel go as she had never been one to be involved with married men. She had a rule, if he spots a ring, flee but in his case she couldn’t. A part of her wanted Samuel while the other part screamed “consequences”, “karma”, “sin” and every other thing you can think of but she missed him and there were days she fantasized about lying in his arms like before and just loving him. Being the kind of passionate lover she was, she also knew that if she had anything to do with Samuel, she would be hooked and no one else would measure up that is if she would even consider anyone else. Samuel on his own part is quite possessive, he is not the type that shares his woman or women in this case and Chantelle did not mind. One day when reason had won over her feelings, she sent him a friendly sms asking after his wife and all and he called back saying “you want to make me your friend Chantelle. I have told you that I do not want to be the guy you call when you meet some love interest, I want to be that love interest”. Chantelle thought he was being selfish and told him as much and he said he knows it is selfish of him but that he could not help it, according to him anyways. Eventually he asked her to come visit him. her first reply was ok just so that he would drop it but somehow along the line, she was able to convince herself that she really should go visit him especially since they had “unfinished business”. Don’t ask me where his wife is or was all this while cos I do not know…after all, I’m just the narrator. 

Back to the story…

As the date of the visit grew closer, a part of her knew she shouldn’t do this because she knew that she really liked this guy and that travelling all the way to see him would change a lot of things for her, it wouldn’t just affect oth of them but families, friends and she thought of what it would do to her mum who wanted the best for her. And she often wondered if he’d gotten married to her and happened to see his wife who would be his ex, she wondered if he’d do the same thing all over again. On the other hand, she fantasized about all the things he would do to her body, about all the things she felt for him, all the things she wanted to do to his body and decided “what the hell! I might as well go and get this over with”.  Sometimes she got excited just thinking about him and although she knew it was sinful, she just couldn’t help it or could she but maybe wasn’t trying hard enough?

On the eve of the trip he asks her to send her details so he could make the necessary arrangement but she does not and he calls to ask why and she says she does not have units on her phone which was the truth but not the reason for her not sending it. He loads her fone and then goes ahead to make the necessary preparations. Later that evening, in tears, she calls him to tell him that she cannot make the trip because he is married. Somehow, reason and her faith made her think it through. She knows she loves Samuel and would do anything for him but she also knows that love is not selfish and love is about setting free and she knows that she would never forgive herself if she were the other woman… the one his friends would make fun of behind his/her back, the one who other married women would look at with scorn, hate and discord, the one who would probably get pregnant for him and would not be able to keep it, the one who the wife will hate everyday of her life, the one who will be called the whore, slut and what have yous? “Is this what I want for myself?” she thought, “is his love really worth it?” “I mean how sure am I that he will not do the same thing to me?” and as she battled with these thoughts and what she believed in as a christian, she just knew that she could not go ahead with it. Yes it might be working for other people but she is not other people and although still single at 27, she would not be the cause of another woman’s nightmare even if she is younger. Just maybe Samuel is not for her and instead of wallowing in self pity, thank God.

Samuel decided that they could not be friends and though it hurt her to cut all ties with him, she decided it was fro the best. According to him, he could not just deny his feelings and remain friends, it would be deceiving himself. And as she made her entry into her journal, she could not help the tears that keept cascading from her eyes. She wrote:

“Baby, Lord knows I love you, I wept once upon a time when you walked out of my life but somehow I always hoped that you’d walk right back in but you never did. It hurts me to say no to you today but I know I am doing the right thing even though it took me this long and even if it hurts so bad. My heart is heavy but love isn’t love if it can’t let go especially since you are with someone else besides, in the battle of prayers with your wife, God would answer her first and I cannot be second in your life and be second with God too. I hope you’ll forgive me someday. There is nothing wrong with loving a married man however it is what you choose to do with this love - wherein lies the dilemma. I never lied to you and never will and everything I ever told you I feel or felt is true and depending on your feelings for me, you might be hurt or just disappointed. I’m hoping you are hurt and not disappointed so that I’ll console myself that we felt the same thing for each other not that I’m some conquest you couldn’t conquer, I will miss you but if we can’t be friends here and now, it is best for both of us. If you or your wife should ever need my help, I want u to know I’ll always be a phone call away. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me, I may or may not get married tomorrow but for today, I’m glad I met you because I have discovered something new about me. It is not as simple as “you r crazy about me and I’m crazy about you”, if it were, why did you walk away? You are married to a wonderful woman and if you decided to make her your wife, treat her as such- love her, honour her and be faithful to her and God will bless your union. As for me, although I cannot stop the tears, I’m 27 and my biological clock is ticking away, I’m glad I did the right thing…I’m glad I said NO”.

And as she wrote the last lines in her journal, the tears once again would not stop and she remembered India Arie’s song which is also a promise in the Bible “This too shall pass”. And with this, she felt hopeful that indeed, tomorrow will be better. Maybe she and Samuel just weren’t meant to be.

Who determines bad?

I was having this argument with a certain friend of mine last night on whether masturbation is a sin or not and while i argued for, he argued against it saying that it is not stated in the Bible that is a sin.

Today i saw the movie "Pelham 123"  {the "h" is silent by the way so the pronunciation is "pelam"} anyways back to my story. John Travolta took a couple of train passengers hostage because according to him, he had been good to the people of New York but they paid him back with wickedness by calling him a terrorist. Now on the other end of the line is a train dispatch guy who was demoted because he was accused of taking a bribe when he went to inspect a train in Japan where they are manufactured who was just doing his job of monitoring the trains on their terminals to ensure that they made a safe and hitch free trip from station to station. This character is played by Denzel Washington who is still cute even as he’s aging.

So while attending to the normal business of the day, he notices on this large computer screen (wonder when Nigeria will get there) that the train headed to Pelham 123 makes a stop and after a while, the two (what’s it called now? I’ll call it carriage) carriages have been disengaged and that one of them is heading backwards. By some stroke of fate, when Denzel tries to call the particular train in question to find out what’s wrong, John Travolta speaks to him. So they get talking and Travolta demands a ransom of $10m cash which should be delivered in an hour. So while Denzel is trying out his negotiation skills, Travolta is trying to get him to think like him so that he can feel betrayed especially since he is been accused of a crime he did not commit. Travolta does not see anything wrong with what he is doing because to him it is “poetic justice” and he says that we all owe God death so either way he is orepared to die if it does not go well for him.

Funny enough Travolta is an ex wall street guy who knows how the stock market works and his plan is to trade the $10m for gold which will earn him about $307m approximately because with his attack on the train station and people calling it a terrorist attack, the dollar will drop therefore, upping the stakes for gold. Talk about an intelligent mind!

But as we all know, the bad guy never gets away with his evil deeds and even if he does, it’s only for a while, Denzel ends up killing him and Travolta dies with his last words “you are my goddamn hero”…his words to Denzel.

Now in Travolta’s mind, he is justified to kill people and hold people hostages just so he could make money and he does not think it bad or sinful. For those that have seen the movie “Saved” where Mandy Moore was cruel to her friends all in the name of “Jesus says”, “Jesus knows” or the other girl who felt she could save her gay boyfriend by offering him her virginity all in the name of "Jesus".

My question is who determines what is bad? Yes someone will say let your conscience guide you but in John Travolta’s warped mind he was doing the right thing and so many of us are guilty of doing "bad'' stuff all in the name of “Jesus” or “Religion”. I mean take the Afghans for example, they will beat up a woman for wearing trousers because they consider it bad and in their mind it is a religious cause not to talk of the killings and all. Yes some are spelt out in the Bible/Quoran as don’t’s but what of those that aren’t? on the question of masturbation, I would really like to know if it is okay because I consider it an act of immorality that is displeasing to God.

‘Be careful of what you let your heart to hear or your eyes to see, from out of your heart comes the issue of life. I do not judge but I do not miss with depraved mind who twist the gospel according to their lifestyle’. The Bible. (someone posted this comment on my facebook page when i said something about Oprah Winfrey and i think it also applies here)

Meanwhile, on a rating of 1-5, Pelham 123 gets a 5. It is a must see.  The roles were well played, the expressions were superb, the language of course was totally American (forgive me, but I can never get used to swear words) and the technology as usual was the bomb. I hear that our very own “Figurine” by Kunle Afolayan is a blast but I am yet to see it. Tickets were totally sold out and at the end of the premiere @ Ozone Cinemas, the audience clapped. What more could a producer/ director want other than knowing that his movie satisfied the audience and glued us to our seats? So stay tuned.