Have you been Screened? Ladies!!!

Well, as most of us know, the month of October is dedicated to cancer awareness world over and all of a sudden all my inboxes have “cancerous” topics if you know what I mean. And it gets me scared because at the end of some of them you see end notes like “one out of 26 women dies of cancer in a minute” and I’m like “what the hell?” In a third world country like ours you do know what that means right?

Among women the most common are breast and cervical cancer. Any woman from 18 years is at the risk of having cancer and as we all know there is no particular known cause for it but there are preventive measures but I will get to that later.

Well, my church, St. Dominic’s Catholic Church, as part of her way of creating awareness partnered with a group to screen women from the age of 18. While it was very unorganized it was an eye opener for those of us who have a comfort zone of “God forbid! Cancer is not my portion”. It may not be your potion but women die every day from this disease and it is eating deeply into our country as the figures keep going up every day.

The screening started at 8:00am and while I spent the whole day there waiting for my turn cos the turnout was massive, I did learn a few things on how to keep it at bay.

What I learned
•    Female smokers are twice likely to have cervical cancer than non-smokers
•    Feel your breasts  one week after your menstrual cycle monthly
•    Wear cotton panties
•    Maintain good personal hygiene
•    Do not wash your privates with medicated soap…avoid it, stick to normal soap or plain clean water
•    Do not douche
•    Do not insert stuff into urself
•    Go for a cervical screening once in a year
•    Do not wear ur bra to sleep

How to feel your breasts

•    Put your right hand under your head, then with the finger tips of your left hand, beginning from your underarm (armpit)  you feel for any strange hard lump and then proceed to your right breast and feel it in a circular motion…sideways, underneath and on top (@ least that’s what was done to me) and then you do the same to your left breast by feeling it with your right hand.
•    After feeling your breasts, you press your nipple and check for any discharge especially blood cos as the attendant mentioned, most women with breast cancer have said that they see or saw a bloody discharge.
•    As for the cervical screening, the doctors or nurses have to do it themselves as it is quite technical…there’s poking and feeling around the vagina besides, they know what to look out for.

My Experience

After waiting for hours (from 8am – to like 5pm), I tried to use my “church mind” because I mean I was in the Church so I figured I would just wait my turn (I could have entered if I wanted to since I’m quite known in the church…if I may say so myself) btu it got to a point and the shunting was just unbearable and I knew I could not return next two weeks especially after waiting for so long neither could I go to their office as my leave is so over so I played smart even though it was quite late. But as the saying goes “better late than never” right? So I played smart and got in.

Upon getting in the attendant screamed “next person” and while I was mortified that I had to take off my top in front of so many people, even if they are all women, I just had to cos really, nerves were frayed and it had been one long day. After taking off my top, it was all I could do not to cover my hands with my boobs…yes I’m self conscious even among women. So she tells me to do what I already explained in how to feel your boobs (pardon me but boobs is shorter than breasts and it’s 2am and there’s church). I felt odd I mean, here I was half naked and a chick feeling my boobs, it just felt odd but what the hell, better now than when I have cancer right…I mean I could losse my boob (singular…smiles). I ask “what will the lump feel like?” she says if she feels one she’ll let me know and I respond “God forbid!” but she says it is hard and you’ll know when you feel it. So I get done with that and join the queue for the really grueling one in my opinion.

When it got to my turn, I was asked to pull off my pants…no guys, they were all chicks and while it slightly made me feel better, I  was still mortified but I remind myself that I am here to prevent cancer in my life. So I took off my pants and panties. Before you do a cervical test the following should be adhered to:
•    You cannot do a cervical screening if you are on your period
•    You cannot do it if you are pregnant
•    You cannot do it if you had intercourse within 48 hours of going for the test

So on all counts, I passed then you had to give them your sex history – how many partners u’ve had, any venereal diseases suffered and some other personal stuff and Emmanuel Ogbebor tried peeking at my form.

I don’t think I want to get into the details of how it went but just know that you’ll be poked….d lady that did me was gentle and by the time she was done I asked “is that all?” I did feel violated but when you remember that cancer is very dangerous and incurable for now at least, you will do all you can to prevent it even if it means stripping in front of thousands of men. okay! Maybe I’m exaggerating  a bit but it’s so true.

I was given a clean bill of health – no infection or whatever

So make out time to get screened as the only way to beat CANCER is EARLY DETECTION. Inspiration or is it Cool FM is always reminding us.
And don’t forget to drink lots of water, eat fruits, stay away from radiation as much as possible and just be safe.
I have to go now…my eyes are heavy and the yawns wont just stop.

for want of a better title

What have I learnt so far in my life’s journey?

• ·         Love cannot be forced

• ·         I cant live my life for anyone but 4 meself

• ·         Friends will always let me down and I’ll always let others down (we’re all human)

• ·         I’ve learnt to be courageous in anything I choose to do

• ·         No matter how poorly I see myself, God loves me the way I am

• ·       Life is hard

   L

• ·         I wont always be young

• ·         We all make mistakes

• ·         No matter how rich or poor, how beautiful or ugly or talented, we’ll all die someday

• ·         Like India Arie says there’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile, u don’t have to pay to laugh, u better thank God for that

• ·         When it’s time to laugh, laugh hard; when it’s time to love, give it your all;  when it’s time to cry, do it without shame; and when it’s time to die…just die (can’t think of any appropriate words)

• ·         Family and friends and recently facebook – we cannot live without

• ·         The best things for us are usually the hardest to do

• ·         Every day is a constant school because we learn and gather experience daily

• ·         Forgiveness is a very important tool in growing up

• ·         Not everyone that calls himself your friend can or should be trusted

• ·         Some things can never be changed

• ·         Time waits for no man but is also the best healer

• ·         With every new birth comes the reminder that God is not finished with this planet

• ·         With every death comes the reminder that from dust we came and to dust we will return

• ·         Being good to people always pays

• ·         Life is lived just once…be adventurous and while you work hard, play hard and always find a balance. U don’t want to be a dull boy neither do u want to be unserious.

• ·         If it aint necessary, forget that loan.

• ·         Take time to celebrate you

• ·         Read that book, see that movie, take that vacation…just ease the stress ok?

Remember that nothing good comes easy

The other woman "gone bad"

Is there an excuse for dating a married man? What if i really love him? what if he loves me? what if i don't care that he has a wife? Does it not justify my dating him? These are questions we ask ourselves as young women when there is a married man in the picture. Here is someone's story.

And she said NO

PAST

Once upon a time in the land of far far away, Chantelle (sounds like a fairytale already huh? Well, it’s not) went to visit a friend of hers in a certain barracks. As Mohammed was seeing her off, a Peugeot 206 drove past and he said “that guy was staring at you” but she did not notice and said as much. So she took a bike to the gate where she would board a bus back into town and there he was at the gate with his friend in the car. He left his friend and got out of the car and the first thought that came to her mind was “he is one cute guy”. He offered to give her a lift but she declined saying “my mum says I should not accept lift from strangers” and he smiled and she thought to herself “he has a nice smile and is very confident”. So they exchanged numbers and parted ways but he insisted on helping her with some transport fare and a poor “corper” like her could not say no.

His name turned out to be Samuel. Now Samuel is the kind of guy that every girl dreams of. He is romantic with a big ‘R’, considerate, not stingy, knows how to treat a woman… in fact,  just a girl man and Chantelle being who she is attributed this to the fact that his zodiac sign is Virgo. True or not, Samuel was just one hell of a guy. The only snag was that he was not from Anambra and Chantelle being the first of three girls in her family knew that her folks would prove difficult but Samuel so far had topped the charts on her list and she really couldn’t care less but as a good girl she was brought up to be, she told him her fears. Samuel who happened to be in the army was a very busy guy but he took the time to call her and pay her visits and all her housemates knew about him and often teased her about him and she was in ‘girl heaven’.

One day, Chantelle was moving house as she had been squatting all this while and Samuel offered to take her belongings in his car to her place. They both got there and seeing that her house was in a shambles, he asked her to come spend the night. Chantelle’s response by default was a big no but he tried to convince her and she figured that since he’d been nothing but nice, she might as well acquiesce but she made him promise not to do anything funny and he promised. So she followed him home which happened to be in the military barracks. They went out, met some of his friends, ate, drank and had plain silly fun and she thought “this could just be him”. They both went to bed afterwards after she’d made him promise again not to do anything funny and he just laughed and promised not to. In the dead of the night, he kissed her and although she did not respond, she enjoyed every bit of it and he kissed every part of her body (he was her first experience)and like he promised, he did not take advantage of her and demanded nothing in return – not that she would have returned it anyways but she enjoyed it and he held her through the rest of the night and while she slept, she had no care in the world and she wished she could be in his arms for all eternity – that is here on earth. She was well on the road to falling in love.

They saw each other in Lagos a couple of times and Chantelle was quite smitten but her fears were her folks and while she was strategizing on how to convince her folks that she had met “him”, Samuel just went off her radar. She called him a couple of times but he was always busy in one part of the country or the other and just couldn’t keep in touch, she kept at this for a while but saw that Samuel had moved on. She was hurt and there were times she cried but she believed in the “if you love him, set him free” phrase and she did just that and when she never heard from him, she figured he wasn’t the man for her.

Years later, she got a job in a bank… that’s where they all end up right? So she called him up to open an account with her and he said he already had one and they exchanged pleasantries. A year later, she called him and since it had been a while, she tried to catch up with what was going on in his life and she asked “are you married yet?” he answers “didn’t you get my sms?” “No I did not or have you deleted my number from your phone”? she asked. He told her that he was getting married in a matter of weeks. Her world came to a pause at his words for she always had this hope that he would come around and come back to her but she shook it off and being miss prim and proper, she congratulated him and  affirmed she will attend the wedding when he invited her…it was the least she could do. He asked her to pay him a visit and at the sign of hesitancy in her response, he promised that it would be a platonic visit between friends and let’s face it, she just did not have the will power to refuse him, besides with the past they shared, it was the least she could do. So she went to see him, he was still handsome as usual even though he seemed distant, and he blamed her for his not marrying her and said it is because she said her folks will pose a threat but she replied “it was obvious that I was crazy about you and yes my parents would have been a threat but I was on my way to loving you”. They talked about old times and when she was about to leave, she kissed him because she never had the chance to kiss him and she damn well knew that a part of her loved this guy. And as she kissed him Kenny G’s “One more time” kept playing in her head and she told herself that he was getting married soon and thought it wise to leave before things got out of hand.

                                      PART II

So leave she did and on her way home, while driving though the night, the tears couldn’t stop pouring and the song in her head was Lemar’s “What If” and she really could not stop asking herself “what if?” she wished she had gone all the way with him that one night she had with him in the past but would it have changed anything? She wondered. On the wedding day, Chantelle got dressed and went in the company of her friend for moral support because frankly, she did not know how she could go through it without losing it. It was bad enough that she was still single at 27, and then some guy that she really thought would be the one ups and gets married. She lived through the wedding but was jealous and wondered why life is such a bitch but she went over, congratulated the couple and sat through the wedding making small conversation with her friend and all the while asking in herself “why am I not the one beside him?”

PRESENT

While trying to move on with her life, one day at work, her phone rings and on the call id is Samuel. Her stomch flutters as it usually does when she hears his voice (she wondered why she still felt this way about him especially since she attended his wedding) and they make small talk, she asks after his wife and he says she is fine. They talk about the situation in the country and then he would refer to their good old time in far away land and she would purposely change the topic just not to encourage him. His calls become more regular and against her friends’ advice, she keeps taking his calls after all she still likes him, besides,  he is married so he should know better right? After a while she got used to his calls that if she did not hear from him in a day, it would be incomplete. It got so bad that he did not call her for a day and she almost went crazy. He did eventually call on the next day day after she had sent him an sms. He apologized and said he had been really busy. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this with a married man but she really could not help it. She went for confession and told the priest about the feelings she still had for him. The Priest advised her against it, her friends also advised her against it even though some told her to go for it. She discovered that most of her friends were also struggling with one married man or another and she wondered if it was the new brand in town. She told Samuel that they couldn’t continue talking on the phone everyday and when he did give her the space she demanded, she would call him. And she wondered why he did not do all these once upon a time.

Being a very impulsive woman by nature and being one to give in to her feelings, she admitted to her friends that the only thing keeping her from him was distance. Some of her friends laughed when she said this, others thought she was too much of a religious nut to give in especially since she is this straight laced catholic who most of the time adhered to the Biblical and Church ways of living. But she like everyone else is human.

She wondered why it was difficult for her to let Samuel go as she had never been one to be involved with married men. She had a rule, if he spots a ring, flee but in his case she couldn’t. A part of her wanted Samuel while the other part screamed “consequences”, “karma”, “sin” and every other thing you can think of but she missed him and there were days she fantasized about lying in his arms like before and just loving him. Being the kind of passionate lover she was, she also knew that if she had anything to do with Samuel, she would be hooked and no one else would measure up that is if she would even consider anyone else. Samuel on his own part is quite possessive, he is not the type that shares his woman or women in this case and Chantelle did not mind. One day when reason had won over her feelings, she sent him a friendly sms asking after his wife and all and he called back saying “you want to make me your friend Chantelle. I have told you that I do not want to be the guy you call when you meet some love interest, I want to be that love interest”. Chantelle thought he was being selfish and told him as much and he said he knows it is selfish of him but that he could not help it, according to him anyways. Eventually he asked her to come visit him. her first reply was ok just so that he would drop it but somehow along the line, she was able to convince herself that she really should go visit him especially since they had “unfinished business”. Don’t ask me where his wife is or was all this while cos I do not know…after all, I’m just the narrator. 

Back to the story…

As the date of the visit grew closer, a part of her knew she shouldn’t do this because she knew that she really liked this guy and that travelling all the way to see him would change a lot of things for her, it wouldn’t just affect oth of them but families, friends and she thought of what it would do to her mum who wanted the best for her. And she often wondered if he’d gotten married to her and happened to see his wife who would be his ex, she wondered if he’d do the same thing all over again. On the other hand, she fantasized about all the things he would do to her body, about all the things she felt for him, all the things she wanted to do to his body and decided “what the hell! I might as well go and get this over with”.  Sometimes she got excited just thinking about him and although she knew it was sinful, she just couldn’t help it or could she but maybe wasn’t trying hard enough?

On the eve of the trip he asks her to send her details so he could make the necessary arrangement but she does not and he calls to ask why and she says she does not have units on her phone which was the truth but not the reason for her not sending it. He loads her fone and then goes ahead to make the necessary preparations. Later that evening, in tears, she calls him to tell him that she cannot make the trip because he is married. Somehow, reason and her faith made her think it through. She knows she loves Samuel and would do anything for him but she also knows that love is not selfish and love is about setting free and she knows that she would never forgive herself if she were the other woman… the one his friends would make fun of behind his/her back, the one who other married women would look at with scorn, hate and discord, the one who would probably get pregnant for him and would not be able to keep it, the one who the wife will hate everyday of her life, the one who will be called the whore, slut and what have yous? “Is this what I want for myself?” she thought, “is his love really worth it?” “I mean how sure am I that he will not do the same thing to me?” and as she battled with these thoughts and what she believed in as a christian, she just knew that she could not go ahead with it. Yes it might be working for other people but she is not other people and although still single at 27, she would not be the cause of another woman’s nightmare even if she is younger. Just maybe Samuel is not for her and instead of wallowing in self pity, thank God.

Samuel decided that they could not be friends and though it hurt her to cut all ties with him, she decided it was fro the best. According to him, he could not just deny his feelings and remain friends, it would be deceiving himself. And as she made her entry into her journal, she could not help the tears that keept cascading from her eyes. She wrote:

“Baby, Lord knows I love you, I wept once upon a time when you walked out of my life but somehow I always hoped that you’d walk right back in but you never did. It hurts me to say no to you today but I know I am doing the right thing even though it took me this long and even if it hurts so bad. My heart is heavy but love isn’t love if it can’t let go especially since you are with someone else besides, in the battle of prayers with your wife, God would answer her first and I cannot be second in your life and be second with God too. I hope you’ll forgive me someday. There is nothing wrong with loving a married man however it is what you choose to do with this love - wherein lies the dilemma. I never lied to you and never will and everything I ever told you I feel or felt is true and depending on your feelings for me, you might be hurt or just disappointed. I’m hoping you are hurt and not disappointed so that I’ll console myself that we felt the same thing for each other not that I’m some conquest you couldn’t conquer, I will miss you but if we can’t be friends here and now, it is best for both of us. If you or your wife should ever need my help, I want u to know I’ll always be a phone call away. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me, I may or may not get married tomorrow but for today, I’m glad I met you because I have discovered something new about me. It is not as simple as “you r crazy about me and I’m crazy about you”, if it were, why did you walk away? You are married to a wonderful woman and if you decided to make her your wife, treat her as such- love her, honour her and be faithful to her and God will bless your union. As for me, although I cannot stop the tears, I’m 27 and my biological clock is ticking away, I’m glad I did the right thing…I’m glad I said NO”.

And as she wrote the last lines in her journal, the tears once again would not stop and she remembered India Arie’s song which is also a promise in the Bible “This too shall pass”. And with this, she felt hopeful that indeed, tomorrow will be better. Maybe she and Samuel just weren’t meant to be.

Who determines bad?

I was having this argument with a certain friend of mine last night on whether masturbation is a sin or not and while i argued for, he argued against it saying that it is not stated in the Bible that is a sin.

Today i saw the movie "Pelham 123"  {the "h" is silent by the way so the pronunciation is "pelam"} anyways back to my story. John Travolta took a couple of train passengers hostage because according to him, he had been good to the people of New York but they paid him back with wickedness by calling him a terrorist. Now on the other end of the line is a train dispatch guy who was demoted because he was accused of taking a bribe when he went to inspect a train in Japan where they are manufactured who was just doing his job of monitoring the trains on their terminals to ensure that they made a safe and hitch free trip from station to station. This character is played by Denzel Washington who is still cute even as he’s aging.

So while attending to the normal business of the day, he notices on this large computer screen (wonder when Nigeria will get there) that the train headed to Pelham 123 makes a stop and after a while, the two (what’s it called now? I’ll call it carriage) carriages have been disengaged and that one of them is heading backwards. By some stroke of fate, when Denzel tries to call the particular train in question to find out what’s wrong, John Travolta speaks to him. So they get talking and Travolta demands a ransom of $10m cash which should be delivered in an hour. So while Denzel is trying out his negotiation skills, Travolta is trying to get him to think like him so that he can feel betrayed especially since he is been accused of a crime he did not commit. Travolta does not see anything wrong with what he is doing because to him it is “poetic justice” and he says that we all owe God death so either way he is orepared to die if it does not go well for him.

Funny enough Travolta is an ex wall street guy who knows how the stock market works and his plan is to trade the $10m for gold which will earn him about $307m approximately because with his attack on the train station and people calling it a terrorist attack, the dollar will drop therefore, upping the stakes for gold. Talk about an intelligent mind!

But as we all know, the bad guy never gets away with his evil deeds and even if he does, it’s only for a while, Denzel ends up killing him and Travolta dies with his last words “you are my goddamn hero”…his words to Denzel.

Now in Travolta’s mind, he is justified to kill people and hold people hostages just so he could make money and he does not think it bad or sinful. For those that have seen the movie “Saved” where Mandy Moore was cruel to her friends all in the name of “Jesus says”, “Jesus knows” or the other girl who felt she could save her gay boyfriend by offering him her virginity all in the name of "Jesus".

My question is who determines what is bad? Yes someone will say let your conscience guide you but in John Travolta’s warped mind he was doing the right thing and so many of us are guilty of doing "bad'' stuff all in the name of “Jesus” or “Religion”. I mean take the Afghans for example, they will beat up a woman for wearing trousers because they consider it bad and in their mind it is a religious cause not to talk of the killings and all. Yes some are spelt out in the Bible/Quoran as don’t’s but what of those that aren’t? on the question of masturbation, I would really like to know if it is okay because I consider it an act of immorality that is displeasing to God.

‘Be careful of what you let your heart to hear or your eyes to see, from out of your heart comes the issue of life. I do not judge but I do not miss with depraved mind who twist the gospel according to their lifestyle’. The Bible. (someone posted this comment on my facebook page when i said something about Oprah Winfrey and i think it also applies here)

Meanwhile, on a rating of 1-5, Pelham 123 gets a 5. It is a must see.  The roles were well played, the expressions were superb, the language of course was totally American (forgive me, but I can never get used to swear words) and the technology as usual was the bomb. I hear that our very own “Figurine” by Kunle Afolayan is a blast but I am yet to see it. Tickets were totally sold out and at the end of the premiere @ Ozone Cinemas, the audience clapped. What more could a producer/ director want other than knowing that his movie satisfied the audience and glued us to our seats? So stay tuned.

Fame

Encarta Dictionary describes ‘fame’ as the condition of being well known. Some of us are famous amongst our circle of friends, churches, schools and in every other place our network extends to while some of us like the late Jackson are international figures.

My point is I saw the movie “Fame” and although there were no known faces, the movie was a total blast. It is a story about talented young people with dreams of being famous who enroll @ the School of Performing Arts, people from different backgrounds, races, with different talents, faces and style but share one thing in common, do you want to take a guess? Yes Passion. They are passionate enough to go behind their parents to enroll, passionate enough  to try to make their parents see the reason they are doing what they do and passionate enough to get duped by frauds who are eager to teach them a bit of life’s hard experiences.

In the course of their study, some of them leave to go join the movies, “Sesame Street” record labels, or wherever they got lucky. The performances were well orchestrated and rehearsed and the various performances were tight.

One of the students (cant remember her name), said something about success  being doing what makes you happy, according to her success is knowing that u’ve put in your best; it is not about money, riches and fame but about love and in my own words touching lives.

And it got me thinking. In a country like Nigeria where I never did want to be a banker yet ended up in that sector, does it mean I’m not successful? If I don’t love what I do does it make me unsuccessful? There are millions of unemployed people out there who would give anything to be in my shoes and here I am being ungrateful. In a country where “The Arts” is not fully appreciated, what is the hope for the young and upcoming writers, dancers, singers, rappers, theatre performers and what have yous? In a country where you dare not look your folks in the face and say I want to become a professional dancer. Every parent wants a doctor, lawyer, engineer and all them professionals, no one wants to hear “I want to become a model”. Thank God for those that have succeeded so far and have given the younger generation what to look forward to – the likes of Wole Oguntokun, Tolu Ogunlesi, Dbanj, Genevieve Nnaji, Tosyn Bucknor, Chude Jideonwo and his crew, Chinedu Amah, Chimamnda Adichie, Sefi Attah, Oscar of Inspiration Fm, Basketmouth… I could go on and on but we know these people and know what they have done in their various areas of calling.

Nigeria is 49 today and while some of us believe that we are yet to achieve anything and yes our education system is depreciating by the second; what with the strikes, bribery and all? I think we should be thankful for the little blessings we have. Our entertainment industry is growing; people are becoming more aware of the importance of our very own arts and culture; I mean we can see stage plays of Wole Soyinka’s books, Chinua Achebe and other Nigerian Writers, we can listen to poetry that satirize or humour our country and amidst all the suffering, we are smiling (in Fela’s words). We are famous for corrupt practices already and in the past two months, “District 9” and “Sony” have driven that point home. So fellow Nigerians, take up this challenge and let us rebrand our Country. We may not be where we ought to be but I am proud to be a Nigerian and while we scold, rant and rave, let us remember that Nigeria cannot be made better by just the Government but by you and I, after all, we are Nigeria. And as we pray for a better Nigeria, may we always work towards it and never forget to be our neighbour’s keeper and may we also never forget our traditions and values as these are what make us stand out anytime, any day, anywhere. Happy Independence my Homeland.

P.S

I did it right? I digressed from the movie didn’t i? so much for sticking to a plot but I hope I joined it well.

Through the Glass

Stella I’m sorry but I just have to talk about this after all, I did not say anything about “District 9” cos u asked me not to. (she works @ Ozone Cinemas so you can imagine her fears if a movie is not getting rave reviews.

Anyways I went to see the movie that was produced and directed by our very own Stephanie Okereke. While I will like to commend her for her major landmark in the movie industry, I mean it is not easy to produce and direct a movie abroad right? Then when the end credit came up, I happened to notice that the co-producers also had “Okereke” as their last names. Family business? Who cares? After all, Psquare is being produced by an elder brother or is it uncle? I will however state that I was not impressed at all by the movie.

The first thing you’ll notice is that it is a “B” movie and this is me doing a great favour because it could very well be a “C” movie. The picture quality is poor and everything about it screams “poor quality”. I mean did she have to go all the way to America to try her hands at producing a movie? I’m sure she could have done better if she had done the movie here honestly. What’s the craze about going to America or South Africa to shoot a video?

Her diction wasn’t exactly impressive for someone who studied English Language…seems like she had her highs and lows in the dialogue throughout the movie, and everything in the movie screamed second rate. No offence but I’m just saying it as it is. The expression in the actors’ faces showed “c” rating, it was too obvious. The story line was quite simple and uncomplicated and I’m wondering why she did not take the hint from Amaka Igwe who by the way does wonders with her movies and has them shot here.

Like I said earlier, I must commend her for this landmark added to her cap but it is my opinion that she could have done better and if she had done it here, who knows? I did not like it so did a couple who left before the movie came to an end. And even those that saw it till the end couldn’t wait to leave the cinema hall.

I wonder why the title “Through the Glass” was chosen because I actually did not see it except of course it was trying to mirror the lead actor’s role in the life of the baby against what he got from his father.

My Dour Week

I’m having a rather unpleasant week…the fates seem to be working against me.

First of all I unknowingly insulted a friend of mine whom I hold so dear to my heart and while I want to blame him for all the emotional turmoil in my life, I really cannot because I believe in taking responsibility for all my actions – good or bad. Now he wont even be friends with me and I know it’s best for both of us at the moment but I miss him already. That sent me into the blues and since this incident happened, I’ve kinda shut out everyone for now…yep that’s how I usually handle stuff. I have sought all the advice I need from friends but right now I’ve got to deal with this my own way…whatever that means!

Then I go to the hospital to be checked and it turns out I have to be x-rayed. After waiting for hours on end, when NEPA brought light (they couldn’t even do a frigging x-ray for reasons best known to them because there was no light) I was told to loosen my braids because it is a head  x-ray and guess what! after spending so much money on braiding my hair which is less than two weeks, I have to loosen it. Guys may not understand why I’m freaking out but my fellow chicks will understand….that’s approximately 5k going to waste but what the hell! Health first right? So after paying for the x-ray I had to go straight to the salon to loosen the braids, of course I paid for that also. The lady @ d salon was surprised and I just kept looking at her all in a bid to hold the tears back. Yes it is painful and to think that I had to plan this particular hair- do coupled with the fact that I hate going to salons and hate people touching my hair that is if it ain’t fingers running through my hair. So I go back to the hospital the next day  and I wait for hours and hours again before I was attended to. Then we wonder why Nigerians do not like going to general, military or teaching hospitals… they suck big time. Even in hospitals, you have to know someone and then we wonder why we are given a bad name globally which i choose to call the "Nigerian Factor". So I go back to the hospital the next day  and I wait for hours and hours before I was attended to.

Then after travelling, paying consultation and hospital fees, I’m totally broke and this is me hoping to go see “The T monologues” @ Terra Culture on Sunday. Apart from my not having funds for that, I’m going to have to think of what to do to my hair again which by the way, is gonna cost me. “The Figurine” is premiering on Independence Day but I guess seeing that movie will have to be postponed till further notice. Is this a cry for help or what? The silver lining in my otherwise dark cloud is I do not miss work. Then again, I’m supposed to resume next week and naturally I’m not looking forward to it because damn it! Waking at 5a.m everyday is not something anyone particularly likes, and then the endless traffic on 3^rd mainland bridge.

The intricacies of Marriage

Recently on Ebuka Obi-Uchendu’s profile (the Big Brother participant), I read his article celebrating his parents' 40th anniversary on the 25th of January 2009 and it got me thinking. In the article he mentioned his fears about getting married and sticking to it for a whole forty years, he admitted that his parent’s marriage hasn’t been all blissful and smooth but there they are clocking forty years. Now isn’t that a story worth sharing? But guess what! His parents actually dated before they got married. Isn’t that strange considering the fact that most of our parents did not court let alone date.

Enough about Ebuka already but frankly, forty years is definitely not a walk in the park. What am I getting at? I’m not here to argue for or against dating, all I’m trying to say is that marriage is serious business, the “for richer or poorer” vow is serious business and we have to understand it before we take that plunge. Now we are in a society that is not divorce friendly and the Catholic Church as we know is against divorce except on the grounds of adultery in which case the couple will be invited for counseling and forgiveness will be preached and even if granted, will take years.

Marriage counselors have told us to get married to our friend, confidant (e), someone we can always turn to in times of trouble and challenges but nowadays is that the case? In some cases our parents force us into getting married to someone that we hardly know, sometimes we get into marriage for the wrong reasons like “all my mates are married”, “I want to have a baby”, “I’m getting old”, “he’s rich”, “we are from the same tribe” and a whole lot of other reasons. When the euphoria of young love and excitement dies what happens next? Now do you think that a marriage built on any of these reasons will last? Will that marriage last for twenty years let alone forty? Even if it does last will it be out of endurance, because of the stigma of being a single parent especially in the case of our women?

Adam and Eve lived together in the Garden of Eden before they had Cain and Abel, Abraham and Sarah were married for a very long time before they had Isaac in their old age. Why am I referring to this? A man and woman are supposed to love each other first, live in unity and produce children as the gift and blessing that is as a result of their love and devotion to each other. Your spouse is not supposed to make you feel unloved and worthless rather your spouse is supposed to make you feel like the best thing that’s happened to him /her. Both of you are supposed to be there for each other in weakness and strength, sickness and health, in poverty and plenty. You are supposed to complement each other and it is a whole lot to do for a human being and the only thing that can make you humble yourself to that level is love. In my opinion, love begets sacrifice and I’m sure you’ll agree with me.
Nothing in life is certain. Some mothers have often wondered what it would have been like for them if they did not have male children, some have often wondered what it would have been like if they did not have kids at all. Some men have also wondered if their wives would have stayed if they did not have that mega paying job, if they could not provide the basic necessities or luxury for their wives. Tough isn’t it?

Again, nothing in life is certain and if you are going to get married, you need to bear that in mind. Your spouse may not be all that you made him/her to be, so when the rough tides come and they always will, you have to remember why you decided to get married to that particular person in the first place and with God, you will scale through but if you did get married for the wrong reasons it will be disastrous because you will not be willing to make certain sacrifices that could otherwise salvage the marriage.
If a marriage is not built with God, it will go nowhere and that is the honest truth. There are times that no matter how close you are to your spouse, you will feel alone, there will be betrayal, there will be disappointments and there will be moments when you’ll question your decision to spend the rest of your life with this person especially if as a woman, you had many other suitors, and who could you possibly turn to if not He that made you. If you have God and work towards it, He will definitely see you through. A successful marriage takes commitment, hard work and the Grace of God.

Young people out there, many of us want to get married but before you do “shine your eyes”. Like I mentioned earlier, marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment, Please get married for the right reasons and not because you want to please anybody after all, as the saying goes “he who wears the shoe knows where it hurts”. A word is enough for the wise

Our Health Our Wealth

The late Yobe State Governor died, where did he die? California. Where did Stella Obasanjo die? Somewhere abroad even though she went for plastic surgery. Yar’adua our president travels abroad frequently for medical checkups, I could go on and on.

Every year we have thousands of medical students who graduate as doctors but do not have the platform to train themselves and learn more outside the classroom. My immediate younger brother is in his fourth year in med school and one day (thanks to Michael Palmer and Grey’s Anatomy) I was asking him if we have MRI scanners in our hospitals and he said only Ibadan teaching hospital has, I don’t even know if LUTH has one. Is it not heart wrenching that we have political leaders who appear from nowhere every four years with promises upon promises and none of them cares to look critically at our medical system because they can afford to go abroad for treatment. What hope is there for the poor man then? What hope is there for a pensioner? What hope is there for the cobbler on the street?

I had an uncle who had kidney failure, the family raised money, sold plots of family land in the village just to ensure that millions of naira was raised to fly him to India for surgery (a transplant) because apparently, we do not have such equipment here. We raised the money eventually and the operation was successful. He returned and everyone was delighted, we had a thanksgiving mass here in lagos and in the villa and everyone was excited. After a few months he started having trouble again, the kidney was infected by God knows what even after observing everything the doctor asked him not to eat, extensive tests were run both in India and South Africa (not Nigeria), he went to India for checkups, all to no avail. Eventually we lost him. We consoled ourselves with the fact that we tried all we could as humans and it was worth it because we got him extra time and I believe he settled with his God.

What am I getting at? Let us assume that he did not have friends and a family that cared for him, let’s assume that we were not able to raise the huge sum of money to send him abroad, what would have happened? We would have blamed ourselves but we did the best we could and we still lost him. Doesn’t life just suck? There are people with such diseases out there that cannot afford to buy drugs to manage them because these drugs are so expensive, they are as expensive as five thousand naira for a tablet of medicine, there are people who can barely afford three square meals in this country, in our neighbourhood, who cannot raise that amount of money even with family and friends, what hope is there for them?

In this part of the world we are not particularly concerned about our health, we have an ailment but as long as we can move about and continue our daily routines, we are okay. Is that the right attitude? What with cancer on the increase daily? It’s been discovered that cervical, breast and prostate cancers are the most common in Africa. On CNN's "Vital signs" they were talking about a laser tool that helps doctors get into the brain to remove tumors without doing damage. When will Nigeria get there? Probably when our generation is long gone.

While we do not have the best health system, the onus is on us to take care of ourselves first; we have a headache, do not take it for granted and say “it’s just a headache”, it could be your body telling you something, you take it for granted and by the time you go to the doctor it is already too late. Terminal illnesses are not discovered early enough in Nigeria, it is when we are on the verge of death that we run to the hospital looking for a miracle. The poor doctors who are ill equipped try to manage the illness (the terminal ones), and we keep accumulating bills we until eventually die.

If we have good governance in this country, our teaching hospitals would be better equipped and people can trust that they’ll get if not the best, something close to the best. Instead they squander all the money and go on vacations frequently, get the best healthcare and leave the poor poor masses to their fate. In America, bank executives shared the profits while the country is facing her worst financial crises so far in history and it’s making the headlines. there’s an outcry and Obama is airing his distaste at the behavior. While I was watching CNN you know what I thought to myself? What would Obama say if he came to Nigeria and witnessed it here especially since we don’t even bat our eyelids since it’s an everyday affair here.

We should not wait for the government to implement policies before you take care of your health, take control by eating healthily and going for REGULAR medical check up.
The earlier we begin to take care of our health, the better for us. Eat right, exercise, drink with moderation, stop smoking, get enough sleep, drink water, and avoid excess meat… I could go on and on. Some people would say “I know someone that smokes but he’s still alive and kicking even at seventy, how much more me?’’ you and that person are not the same people, it might work for him but will it work for you? “Na one thing go kill man abi”, but it still doesn’t hurt to do the right thing. While I agree that there are no guarantees in life, I still insist that we should try to do the right thing where our health is concerned. After all, it is when we are healthy that we can work, play, have fun and take care of our familes and even plan a perfect or almost perfect valentine gift.

Suddenly! Suddenly! Suddenly!

The first time I heard Dbanj sing, I thought to myself “this guy hasn’t got a talent, what he has is style” and the first time I saw him perform on stage I also thought “he sure knows how to get the crowd screaming for more”. The first “9ice” song I heard was “pass me the rizzla” again I thought “who’s this razz guy and what message is he trying to pass?” Funny enough my opinion does not count because these guys and so many more are making it in the music industry.

Where is she going with this you may ask and I kinda wonder too but please fasten your seatbelt and follow me. The first time I heard “Suddenly”, I was indifferent about it, the track that got my attention on the “Entertainer” album was “U don make me fall in love” because I felt that however corny it sounded it had a message and while “Suddenly” talks about his rise to stardom and how all of a sudden chicks are flocking round him, I still did not “send” the track until I noticed that everyone in the office (especially Bella, who is one of my colleagues) was crazy about the track, then I started growing to like it. But when I saw the video I was disappointed, don’t get me wrong, the beginning was good but the “pool party” had me thinking “no way are my kids gonna watch tv when I’m not home”. I wondered when Nigerians’ value system deteriorated to that. Watching that kind of video on western television is …well, we are used to the Britneys, the Lil Kims and the Lady Gagas just to mention a few but our very own people doing that kinda stuff on both national and international tv got goose pimples on my skin. Ikechukwu was pulling a girl’s panty and putting money inside like she was at a strip bar and she was enjoying herself, Dbanj making lewd suggestions with his hand and everythin in the video reeking of sex and alcohol after all sex sells right?

Let's even talk about Tuface’ “Enter the Place”, “enter the place make we see whether u sef no go carry belle”. What exactly was he thinking? Is he telling me that he has no conscience after fathering three or four kids by three different women and making a mockery of it? I actually have better things to do than sit and count how many kids he has so excuse me if do not know the exact number of kids he has. Pardon me but I’m a traditionalist to some extent and while I believe that change is constant thing and we should be open to it, it does not mean that we should let go of our values that is if we have any left. It was not surprising when these particular songs were banned from playing on air and yours truly was among the happy few. I may not be all innocent and all but what are we teaching our kids? How to impregnate women without committing? How to be women readily available to men for the taking? (And you see our girls strutting their stuff without a care in the world in these videos that even debase feminity) How to depend on “yahoo runs” as a source of income? I did not even understand why Kelly Handsome’s “Maga don pay” was banned until my brother mentioned that it has “yahoo” undertones? Are we encouraging our kids to lose all form of innocence and values very early in life before they even get to their teens?

I miss the days of Onyeka Owenu, Christy Igbokwe, Chichi of Africa and the like just to mention a few. I miss the days of when we actually used to dance (you know the fun form of exercise where we actually move to the rhythm of the music) and not the “sex” we exude on the dance floor nowadays. Have you been to a children’s party recently? You see girls that are barely ten years old dancing like Shakira, all they know how to do is twist their waists like they see on tv. Whatever happened to “running man” it’s old school now isn’t it? And new school dance is called “rocking”, the kind we see in “enter the place”, “do me”. This is not to say that there aren’t modern musicians that pass a message with their music, Psquare still has it going for them, Dare too is good at what he does, Banky, Styl plus too and some others still manage to pass along a message be it love, hurt, or just good old dance.
What the hell is kokomycin? Dbanj has never really told us what “the koko” is now has he? But he has stage presence which is one thing Styl plus totally lacks, even tuface cannot pull as big a crowd as Dbanj. (And he sure is working on his abs! forgive me but between he and Ikechukwu who has a better body?) Now that’s what I’m talking about. Well you really can’t blame me after all, did I ask them to record their video shirtless?

It is not the fault of these musicians is it? I mean they are giving us want we want are they not? I mean here I am dissing some of their videos and on the other hand, admiring their taut bodies. Truly if we didn’t want it we would not be getting it, would we? We all play a part in our society’s moral decadence and I wonder, I just wonder what values our kids will grow into and I can’t help but be afraid. But maybe Sound city and other local stations should air those videos late at night when our kids won’t watch them or what do you think? I mean yours truly has to look at those abs and wish. Okay! Okay! Yes I know that for the purpose of this piece I’m not supposed to but ain’t no harm in admiring them even if their music lacks content. And in answer to my question, Ikechukwu’s body is hotter but Dbanj oozes sex appeal… before I digress further, I think I should stop right here.